ameliawherever

I am ridiculous.

This is exactly why I do not hang out with straight girls, they are competition. despite the fact that I am more attractive than this chick, I feel very... is jealous the word? Maybe territorial is what I'm looking for... Basically, this chick is all up in my jock.
However, I am not sure it's right that I feel this way, I don't like this dude anymore really, but I still fucking don't this bitch's ass cuddling with him, as innocent as she may act about it.
I am upset.
What the hell is wrong with me?

Never-the-fucking-less, chick needs to back off.
*grumble*

God help me.

I'm in complete denial about school, which starts on Wednesday. I'm a bit excited, too, but later I'll be depressed.
I've yet to get school supplies, I suppose I'll do that today when my mother wakes up. I'll have her take me to Office Depot. Fun.
Senior year. Huzzah. No science class, so that's nice.
Fuck, I have to get my fucking schedule.
Just had a cigarette, which was nice. Left me lightheaded. I'm already jittery from the double dose of Adderall.

I've had this game paused for far too long, I'll have to start over, since my time has been fucked up beyond repair.

I've been chatting all night on Facebook. First with Spencer, now with Sha who says I'm even withdrawn on this journal. She's right, I suppose.

I need school to start, despite the love I have for solitude, I need some conflict and purpose in my life again. This summer has been far too long.
...
I take that back, it's been the perfect length. I'm a little antsy for my life to begin.
Oh, cool, that senoiritis. Great. I suppose it doesn't matter though, I've had senioritis since my Freshman year.
Such is life, I guess.

So, I'm reading The Princess Bride, and I discovered that the author is an asshole. His over-use of perenthesis borders on sadistic, and I can now see why people don't like his books. The dialogue is lovely, and the characters are wonderful, but he's just a goddamn asshole, and he pisses me off.

Also, I don't think I'm going to be able to go to sleep for at least another day or two. But that is unrelated to the subject and above paragraph.

I'm at MA's, and everyone is asleep. I've been here since at least six AM. I've also been chain smoking since I got here, and I haven't slept more than thirty minutes in the past two days.

I honestly think I'm going insane. I've developed somniphobia as well.

So, like I said before, I think this is the beginning of the end.

This is the beginning.
I'm sure of it.
Oh I'll do well in school, wonderfully well, but I'll be a robot.
I'm actually kind of excited for it. I'll go on auto-pilot.
I'll be a Nobody.
If this is what it takes for me to succeed, I'll do it, and gladly. It's actually a relief to be flat and devoid of feelings.
Nevertheless, this is the beginning of the End.
I know it.
And all I have to say is this,

pick your poisons.

Mine have been chosen and I'm kind of happy with them in a masochistic way.

I've said more than I really wanted to say.

I'm back home again after spending a couple days helping Dylan paint his new house. The moral of that story is: "Friends don't let friends faux".

I'd really like for my mother to go to bed so I can stay up till dawn watching Humphrey Bogart movies, then maybe sneak outside just as the sun comes up for a cigarette.
A semi-colon should probably go somewhere in that sentence, but I don't really care.

Tomorrow I've got to go with my parents to see my dad's side of the family. Huzzah. Then it's back home for fireworks and shit with my ma's side and some of my dad's friends. Yippee.
Do you feel my excitement? 'Cause I think I could just shit myself, I'm so fucking excited.

I don't really think I've slept at all this week, what with Adderoll, and regaining my Sims 2 game, and all the Humphrey Bogart movies.

I've got a new idea for a painting, dunno if I'll end up doing it, but maybe.

And apparently my school stole Central's best art teacher, which is funny. Devon's really upset about it. hahahaha.

I might go to bed, or make some coffee, or watch a movie, or read, or something. I dunno.

Hahahaha, puns.
I hate puns.
So, I'm sitting here, on my bed, jittering on Adderoll (that I am legally prescribed, thank you very much.), and sewing buttons onto my vest. I' m waiting for Spencles to text me, or something, to tell me whether or not we're gonna hang out today.
Sewing on Adderoll is difficult. In fact, do anything on Adderoll is difficult for me. I can see why Little Sister is addicted. I kinda like the way speed feels. It's interesting.

I keep forgetting that I don't have a spacebar.

My ACT scores are going down again.

A:INFP
D:INFJ
S:INTJ
L:ESFP

This is turning out to be a pretty damn good summer. Home is a little stressful 'cause I'm not as close to my parents as I used to be, but I suppose I'm just growing up. Nevertheless, everything else is fine. I'm getting better at drawing, I'm ridiculously close to my friends, my writing sucks, but whatever.

I think my parents are just a bit upset 'cause I'm growing up, and I don't think they want me to.

I made MAC a huge painting today while on Adderoll, I'm getting my sunglasses tomorrow, and I got Mod Podge on half my clothes.

That's pretty much all that's happened.

I think I'm going to clean my room tonight. Or at least try to, 'cause I don't think I'm gonna be able to go to sleep.

So, I'm an idiot. I cut my hair too short, 'cause I thought that I'd be cooler, but now I'm stuck with hair that is too short. It doesn't look too bad, it's just short.
I'm going to MA's tomorrow/today, in about four hours. I'll just go to sleep on the couch, after having a nice cigarette, that is. I'll miss my cat. I'm gonna be gone all weekend.
My ma's going on a trip too. She's taking my gran to Louisiana to visit some relative. I'll miss my ma, too. And my dad, but I'm gonna invite him to this Pride picnic on Sunday, even though I know it's totally not how he would like to spend Father's Day.
Ha.
My dad around a bunch of drag queens, and gays, oh lawd.
I need to finish packing.

By the way, weed is definitely a gateway drug.

Soooo, it finally feels like summer.
Finally.
I'm back on my summer schedule of sleeping all say and staying up all night. My itunes is playing all the songs I listened to last summer, and the summer before that. I physically cannot go to sleep at night, I may need to start taking my meds again. I'm getting delirious, sort of light-headed, and my thoughts are racing, and when I think about thinking, this little rush goes through my brain and I can't see straight for a fraction of a second. I feel like I've taken a bad roll. I dunno what's going on.
I dislike summer.
I need a cigarette.
I wish I could sleep at night, but the thought of it makes me anxious, and I want to be around people. Then again, I don't. I'm so confused.
I don't wanna be Delirium's! I wanna be Dream's again! Or even Despair's.
Hahah, biggest Sandman reference ever. But seriously, I love Delirium and her fish, and I know that I'm her's usually, but this needs to stop.
Argh! I don't even know what I'm talking about!!!!!!!!!!
I need my medicine.
Fuck.
I need a cigarette.
This is weird and ridiculous.
I need a cigarette.

A few hours ago, I watched this fantastic forties noir crime movie with my mother,and I realized that I miss the time when men where men, and chicks were chicks. Then Little Sister texted me, and we got into a conversation about it, and we've agreed that we wouldn't mind staying at home, cooking and cleaning, and wearing dresses if guys would stop being such damn girls. We live in a generation of men raised by damn women, to quote Tyler Durden of Fight Club. I just wish guys would take back control so we wouldn't have to. And I know I'm setting feminism back decades, but it's totally fucking true, and if those goddamn feminists just had a man to tell them to shut the fuck up, they'd be fine, 'cause that's all they want. Lesbians on the other hand, can just stay the damn same.
That's the end of my rant.
The moral of this story is, grow the fuck up men of the world, no woman in her right mind wants you to be fucking sensitive, we just want you to be men, for fuck's sake.

I almost enjoy the smell of coffee more than the taste.

Fuck my life.
Whatever. To rebel against my parents, I'm getting tons of peircings, and I'm going to dye my hair completely blue.
This is bullshit, man. Fucking bullshit...

Oh, look at that, a different punctuation.
I've one more test, then I'm free. That test is in a few minutes, I need to leave.
I need to get dressed.
I'm going to some party tonight. I don't even know where it is. Sigh.
It's ten twenty.
I should go.

From First to Last's "Kiss Me, I'm Contagious"

That's all I really know for now. I may know all the words to My Chemical Romance's version of Bob Dylan's "Desolation Row", but I'm not sure.

Sooooo... This weekend was interesting. Nothing terribly drastic happened, just a nice double-stack. I jittered around a lot, but we had nothing to do, so that sort of was fifteen bucks down the drain. Only now I know what it's like so I won't be so scared next time. It's good to know that it's not mind-altering. MGMT will be fucking AWESOME! Goddamn, I'm fucking excited. If I can get a hold of the same stuff again, that is.
I should be doing my work right now so I won't fail this fucking useless class, but whatever...

Fine. Fuck. I'm working.

Ahahahahahahahaha! Yes. Many things. Many, many things...

So, there are several things I want at this moment.

Most of all, I want a cigarette. A good cigarette. A cigarette that burns the back of my throat as I exhale, without some weird fruity aftertaste. I want to fucking feel my lungs turn black.

Secondly, I want to go to school in the morning. It's weird, I know, but I'd prolly give anything not to be suspended right now, which leads me to the third thing I want. Which is not to be suspended.

I don't regret doing what I did. I'm not at all fucking sorry for skipping. I'm fucking sorry for getting caught, and for not serving my detention which led to my getting caught.

Fourthly, I want a cup of coffee. A fabulous late-night cup of coffee drowned with sugar and cream, no fucking chocolate or bullshit. Just coffee.

Fifthly, well, the exact contents of number five will not be mentioned here at this time. Or any other time for that matter.

In all actuality, getting suspended is the basis of all my problems, 'cause I'm fucking grounded. I can't have my cigarettes, or my late-night-Waffle-House cup of coffee. Number five has nothing to do with anything else, it's just a problem, and I'm gonna have to sort it out on my own. Some way or another.

Basically, I'm just feeling rally angsty and rebellious, and I just want to get out of my house.

I just realized the answer to all my problems is that I need pipecleaners. You know, those little fuzzy wire thingies. If I have those, I'll be able to make my stop-motion movie.
Awesome.